Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Only Dress Like a Tramp This Halloween If You’re Doing It For Yourself
The icon of quirky observations, Jerry Seinfeld, once recalled that Halloween in the later years of one's childhood became more of a chore than a joy. "Doorbell, costumes, candy, let's pick up the pace here," he recalled in complete deadpan fashion. His musings remind me of those days of early adolescence when I knew I was getting too old to keep up the trick or treating but I didn't want to give up the candy. However, when I finally did stop, it became apparent I had been doing it out of self-imposed obligation instead of any great desire to do it. I didn't exactly notice that I was short on cheap, discounted orange-wrapped caramels nor would it have broken my heart if I did notice.
In other words, I was tricking or treating because I felt I had to, not because I wanted to. Heck, all things considered, I'd rather have been watching the game.
Of course, in adulthood Halloween more about the costumes and less about the candy (but probably a little bit about the drinking). To be honest, however, I cannot remember the last time I ever attended a Halloween party. In fact, I think Halloween ceased meaning anything to me when I turned 16. There was always a paper or project standing in the way. If not that, I was pretty much content with the "Halloween" movies. Honestly, popping "Halloween" into the VCR was about the extent of the effort I put into October 31 for a long, long time. You'd sooner see me out of the house before or after Halloween, not during.
However, years of relative non-participation in Halloween has not left me blind and deaf. I see people's Halloween photos and I hear all the stories. And I can't help but wonder where the line between "dressing seductively for Halloween for fun" and "dressing seductively for Halloween out of obligation" begins and ends.
I know, I know: I'm only the 417,239th person to opine on this subject. I'm not breaking any creative ground here. Go ahead and Google the word "Halloween" with the phrase "dressing like a whore." BOOM! Big-time hits. It seems as though cleavage and hosiery are big time buzz words on the North American consciousness come October. Which reminds me, given that it IS October and it's actually pretty frikkin' chilly on Halloween night in a lot of places, I'm sure that the titular "sure is cold in here" joke will be posited in roughly three out of every four Halloween parties in the Midwest this year. Hardy-har-har-har.
Mind you, this is a phenomenon that, not surprisingly, has taken hold with women far more than men. This is not to say that there won’t be a few thousand gym rats taking the opportunity to dress as a shirtless fireman. You know the guy: in his mid-20s, always looks tanned even when it's ten below, always makes sure that people see him in his workout garb on his way out of work and secretly harbours a desire for the return of Zubaz pants. This guy will show up to the pumpkin day parade wearing the fireman costume with the cheesy Chippendale's suspenders and then conveniently complain about how hot it is in said outfit roughly...three minutes into the party. He will make tangential references to six-packs and beef to draw attention to his abs and pecs so every woman at the party will love him. Every other man at the party will hate this guy and spend every second minute mocking him for the rest of the night, completely oblivious to the irony of the situation when they spend every other minute ogling Tina in her "I'm a nurse, but a NAUGHTY nurse" outfit.
In fact, I think the whole "sexy vocation" theme has taken over the sensibility of Halloween for a lot of adults. Whereas it used to be about imagining a world where the undead inhabit the streets, it is now about imagining a world where the unclothed inherit the office. In fact, if you really want to be lazy about it, you could just show up as your current job description and cut off half your uniform. So Sandra the secretary cuts in her skirt in half and leaves her blouse open and all of a sudden she's "Sandra the sexy secretary." Julie the cop ties up her top in a knot and swaps her pants for hot pants and she's "Julie the bad cop...in a good way." And Sally the Hooters waitress.....just comes straight from work with what she already has on.
As I have stated before, I'm not trying to take away from my appreciation of the female form. I'm sure that I be quite the hypocrite when, mere days after railing against the inanity of obligatory Halloween skankiness, I’ll be found fawning over Mile High Mandy. (Y’know?: She’s the stewardess who will do anything to make your trip more enjoyable). It's just that when the provocative Halloween costume becomes so repeated that it is a prerequisite instead of an unexpected visual.....well, it's still nice to look at a beautiful lady but it's not the same thrill it used to be.
You know how takeout food usually tastes ten times better when you weren't expecting it? Like in that rehashed commercial where the kids and mother come home scared to death because Dad is cooking supper and silly TV viewer, everybody knows it's not a man's job to cook! Then, all of a sudden, like a beacon of bright light, "Dad's meal" consists of the fried chicken he ordered. Everyone is ecstatic. Fried chicken is way better than Dad making us a salad!
If you ate that food everyday and saw it coming, you'd be sick and bored. I'm not saying sexy Halloween costumes will bore us, but you can't replace the thrill of the unexpected. Consider it the difference between the joy of the kids in the “Hot For Teacher” video and the joy of Donald Trump winning the lottery. Both happy but one clearly more interested than the other.
Besides that, now it’s come to the point where wearing something remotely resembling scary induces scowls. Gone are the days when a guy would show up to the bar on Halloween night and go "Wow! Did you see Jessica in that Elvira costume? I've been waiting to see her in getup like that for three years!" These days have been replaced with drunken fratboys remarking, "I can't believe that Jessica had the nerve to show up dressed as a zombie. She wasn't even a HOT zombie! Why doesn't she take the money she used for pancake makeup and buy a pushup bra or something?" Whereas the one scantily clad lady in ten used to stand out and make the horndog's day, now the one in ten that bothers to think outside the seduction box ruins it.
The problem now is that less and less women want to be “THAT person, the annoyance” and still think they can be “THAT person, the hottie standout.” So instead of dressing like a tarted up schoolgirl because it's a fun thing to do, it's dressing up like a tarted up schoolgirl because "Hannah and Holly are too and I'll be damned if I let them get all the attention." That and more people have to work out to get into Halloween shape when it used to be their respite from the workout they did to get into summer shape. Shame, really.
Then again, I suppose it's equally weird that one would advocate being surrounded by people trying to look like grotesque rejects from a David Cronenburg film over anything else. So to each their own.
I guess the moral of the story is dress as you like and people don't like your costume, give them the stale leftover candy from Halloweens past. You know those Rockets/Smarties that actually are the third-rate knockoffs? Save the real deal for anyone who appreciates your creativity.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've been invited to a man-whore Halloween party. I sure hope that showing up dressed like Woody Allen counts.
BMN
In other words, I was tricking or treating because I felt I had to, not because I wanted to. Heck, all things considered, I'd rather have been watching the game.
Of course, in adulthood Halloween more about the costumes and less about the candy (but probably a little bit about the drinking). To be honest, however, I cannot remember the last time I ever attended a Halloween party. In fact, I think Halloween ceased meaning anything to me when I turned 16. There was always a paper or project standing in the way. If not that, I was pretty much content with the "Halloween" movies. Honestly, popping "Halloween" into the VCR was about the extent of the effort I put into October 31 for a long, long time. You'd sooner see me out of the house before or after Halloween, not during.
However, years of relative non-participation in Halloween has not left me blind and deaf. I see people's Halloween photos and I hear all the stories. And I can't help but wonder where the line between "dressing seductively for Halloween for fun" and "dressing seductively for Halloween out of obligation" begins and ends.
I know, I know: I'm only the 417,239th person to opine on this subject. I'm not breaking any creative ground here. Go ahead and Google the word "Halloween" with the phrase "dressing like a whore." BOOM! Big-time hits. It seems as though cleavage and hosiery are big time buzz words on the North American consciousness come October. Which reminds me, given that it IS October and it's actually pretty frikkin' chilly on Halloween night in a lot of places, I'm sure that the titular "sure is cold in here" joke will be posited in roughly three out of every four Halloween parties in the Midwest this year. Hardy-har-har-har.
Mind you, this is a phenomenon that, not surprisingly, has taken hold with women far more than men. This is not to say that there won’t be a few thousand gym rats taking the opportunity to dress as a shirtless fireman. You know the guy: in his mid-20s, always looks tanned even when it's ten below, always makes sure that people see him in his workout garb on his way out of work and secretly harbours a desire for the return of Zubaz pants. This guy will show up to the pumpkin day parade wearing the fireman costume with the cheesy Chippendale's suspenders and then conveniently complain about how hot it is in said outfit roughly...three minutes into the party. He will make tangential references to six-packs and beef to draw attention to his abs and pecs so every woman at the party will love him. Every other man at the party will hate this guy and spend every second minute mocking him for the rest of the night, completely oblivious to the irony of the situation when they spend every other minute ogling Tina in her "I'm a nurse, but a NAUGHTY nurse" outfit.
In fact, I think the whole "sexy vocation" theme has taken over the sensibility of Halloween for a lot of adults. Whereas it used to be about imagining a world where the undead inhabit the streets, it is now about imagining a world where the unclothed inherit the office. In fact, if you really want to be lazy about it, you could just show up as your current job description and cut off half your uniform. So Sandra the secretary cuts in her skirt in half and leaves her blouse open and all of a sudden she's "Sandra the sexy secretary." Julie the cop ties up her top in a knot and swaps her pants for hot pants and she's "Julie the bad cop...in a good way." And Sally the Hooters waitress.....just comes straight from work with what she already has on.
As I have stated before, I'm not trying to take away from my appreciation of the female form. I'm sure that I be quite the hypocrite when, mere days after railing against the inanity of obligatory Halloween skankiness, I’ll be found fawning over Mile High Mandy. (Y’know?: She’s the stewardess who will do anything to make your trip more enjoyable). It's just that when the provocative Halloween costume becomes so repeated that it is a prerequisite instead of an unexpected visual.....well, it's still nice to look at a beautiful lady but it's not the same thrill it used to be.
You know how takeout food usually tastes ten times better when you weren't expecting it? Like in that rehashed commercial where the kids and mother come home scared to death because Dad is cooking supper and silly TV viewer, everybody knows it's not a man's job to cook! Then, all of a sudden, like a beacon of bright light, "Dad's meal" consists of the fried chicken he ordered. Everyone is ecstatic. Fried chicken is way better than Dad making us a salad!
If you ate that food everyday and saw it coming, you'd be sick and bored. I'm not saying sexy Halloween costumes will bore us, but you can't replace the thrill of the unexpected. Consider it the difference between the joy of the kids in the “Hot For Teacher” video and the joy of Donald Trump winning the lottery. Both happy but one clearly more interested than the other.
Besides that, now it’s come to the point where wearing something remotely resembling scary induces scowls. Gone are the days when a guy would show up to the bar on Halloween night and go "Wow! Did you see Jessica in that Elvira costume? I've been waiting to see her in getup like that for three years!" These days have been replaced with drunken fratboys remarking, "I can't believe that Jessica had the nerve to show up dressed as a zombie. She wasn't even a HOT zombie! Why doesn't she take the money she used for pancake makeup and buy a pushup bra or something?" Whereas the one scantily clad lady in ten used to stand out and make the horndog's day, now the one in ten that bothers to think outside the seduction box ruins it.
The problem now is that less and less women want to be “THAT person, the annoyance” and still think they can be “THAT person, the hottie standout.” So instead of dressing like a tarted up schoolgirl because it's a fun thing to do, it's dressing up like a tarted up schoolgirl because "Hannah and Holly are too and I'll be damned if I let them get all the attention." That and more people have to work out to get into Halloween shape when it used to be their respite from the workout they did to get into summer shape. Shame, really.
Then again, I suppose it's equally weird that one would advocate being surrounded by people trying to look like grotesque rejects from a David Cronenburg film over anything else. So to each their own.
I guess the moral of the story is dress as you like and people don't like your costume, give them the stale leftover candy from Halloweens past. You know those Rockets/Smarties that actually are the third-rate knockoffs? Save the real deal for anyone who appreciates your creativity.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've been invited to a man-whore Halloween party. I sure hope that showing up dressed like Woody Allen counts.
BMN
# posted by BMN @ 2:41 PM 
